Restlessness - No Date

Restlessness… 

That’s the only word I have for it. 

The night has left me sleepless, alone, and that sweet soft drawl that always makes my eyelids heavy, is nowhere to be found. Instead all I’m left with is emptying thoughts rattling around my head like thunder in the night. Questions that scream so loud I can’t even sit quietly in the dark and try to find my way to some rest. 

This thirst has me tossing, turning, pacing through these halls until I can’t take it anymore. It truly is a maddening feeling to be a prisoner to your own head like this, to know that I have little choice but to face the fact that this thing won’t put up with the games I've been playing anymore. 

Cigarettes don’t really help, but they give me something to lie to myself about. After a while I’m out on the streets watching the city while it sleeps. I can’t help but be overcome with a sense of jealousy in the stillness of it, how even the most awful of beasts can find peace… What does that make me? Something worse? Does it even matter?  At the end of the line I am still just a lost boy out in the night trying to find his way to a home that isn't there anymore, wandering with pockets full of false purpose. 

Despite this, the twilight always takes me in with open arms. Maybe that’s why I keep coming back to her like this. She never cares why I’m here, or judges me for the sins that keep me in her lonely embrace, she’s just content another one of her children has found his way back to her. Like any comfort though, the night comes and goes. She can’t be here for me when the sun sends her hiding for cover, then I am just left to another day, exhausted and no closer to finding any answers to keep the nights like these at bay.