Sunday, December 28, 2008

Behind Those - Date Unknown

There's a terror in the wait. I have been sitting in this chair for some time now smoking and watching the sunlight pour in for what could be the last time.
There is nothing quite like waiting for the devil to come knocking on your door. There is no way you can know what to expect, but despite that, we have all heard the stories, so my mind races, my heart skips paces, and I wait for what feels like ages.

But eventually, the wait is up, and that thud you have been dreading is coming right through the door. It is here, and we have come to the point where there is no going back, no avoiding it, and no hope for anything better than what is on the other side of that door.

You could spend the rest of your time on this planet, and not answer, you could hide, survive, ignore it until the rapping drives you completely mad. But the best you will ever hope for is a prison of terror, and I can't help but wonder if that is worse than what he has in store for me.

This is how the devil wins. Checkmate. He gives you no choice, damned if you do, damned if you don't. Yet for some reason, he does leave us with one last choice, as much as it seems like it doesn't even matter. I know that as much as every fiber of my being is telling me to run, doesn't matter where, but just to run as far from here as possible. But there is no running from this, and in these moments of no escape, there is no room for the cowards way.

So I take my licks, I answer the door, he comes in, has a seat, and takes what he has come for. As much as my body is SCREAMING to fight him, to stop it somehow, to die trying, I don't feel like letting this go down that way. It is all a game, a bag of tricks, and his best weapon is the despair his cloud brings over you, the total feeling of hopelessness.

But he thrives on the lie, and the lie hides. When the sun comes up and truth shines down on the world, the shadows keep them out of the way, and give them a place to lie in wait, for the darkness come so they can find their way into us. When that light comes shining, you can see them scramble, trying to keep it in the dark. That is where he does his best work, under the cover of night, when we are all trying to get our rest.

If there is one thing I have learned, after all these years, is that there are some things that no one can take away from you. Some people call it the soul, some call it the mind, others call it hope, truth, the light. Whatever it is, there is that one thing inside of us that no one can take away, that no shadow can work its way into. A place where the lies are powerless, where it is so bright and strong that fear doesn't even bother sticking its slimy fingers on it.